The Kinder Surprise Experiment

Location: 11 land-hours northward of NYC

VERY PROBABLE MONOLOGUE BACK AT KSE DESIGN HQ
"Wow, blue. Excellent!; what a thought! Once realized, this will be a killer toy. OK, so we will have this piece in blue, and this one, also this one, aaand this one will be blue too - but to distinguish it as a bottom part, we will put wheels on it. Perfect. So, what do we get? Aaaa, mmm - yes! Blue, sort of a giant that can move like a car as his feet are wheels.
But, I am thinking that the whole thing might look too blue now. Hmmm, maybe by adding something - reddish for example will make things better. Sure it will; having finished the design school (my job is secure with such academic background) I have learned that whole 2 colours are better than just one. So, to the final touch we go...I know! As I am sure that the series with gnomes on animals was a huge hit, I will repeat the same trick => the red piece will actually be a gnome, placed on giant's lap.

Now, this is quite something! A toy that can be pushed around like a car, and it is also a friendly looking giant...and if a kid gets scared by it (despite its stupid grin) there is also a gnome. So if the kids are scared of one, there is the other to ease their minds.
And, of course - this can easily be extended into a series:
Giantish creatures on wheels!
Altogether brilliant work, I must say."



REAL MONOLOGUE BACK (OR RATHER HERE) AT KSEXPERIMENT HQ - DURING ANALYSIS
"Puke, puke, gasp, arg, gaaasp, aarghh//-------------------------"

ADMINISTRATOR'S NOTE: Experimentista in charge of this experimental report had to be taken to the hospital due to interaction with ridiculous stupidity that this toy radiates with. Careful analysis of notes and last comments left behind by experimentista Danilo helped us yield the conclusion that this experiment deserves Mark = 0

Location: TO-RON-TO, ON

It has already been noted that current/newer series of KSE do not follow the golden rule of extra-surprise notation: Special toys are to be found in specially coloured capsules.

In the golden days of KSE, this golden rule was a rule observed consistently; it was observed nonchalantly at the same time, just like the Sun nonchalantly shines its rays upon us. Yes, variances did exist - full orange of half-yellow half-orange capsule would mark some glorious special surprise in comparison to regular toys within pure, but classic, yellow capsules. Now no special capsules are to be found, at least to the west of the Atlantic mid-point.

But this alarming issue seems poised for topple-effect by another alarming detail: The beloved classic yellow capsule is on the brink of extinction. As much as this is just an aesthetic issue, its importance is unmistakable.

Just like with the real eggs - no right mind would want to crack open a rotten looking egg. Fresh looking ones, just like the one on the right in both of the pictures, have the inviting nature in comparison.


And before a parting thought, a departing question for all the readers: Is it pure coincidence that this experimentista pulled out worse toys/surprises from "rotten" eggs!? Thus, wonder may be a good state of mind, considering where KSE might be heading.

Signing off with great dispair,
experimentista Danilo

Another KS egg, another surprise.

Unfortunately, this experimental report is lacking the picturesque configuration as the equipment necessary for the inclusion of real eye-openers is lacking at this very moment. As such, your brains will be stimulated only through the words which, as any other published on this page, will be 100% objective.

This surprise is a puzzle consisting of 3 rows of 5 pieces.

I) Design, etc.
These pieces are very thin and made out of very-very light cardboardy material. They barely filled 50% of the bottom half of the capsule => design and quality are quite low. However, the pieces connect perfectly, and as such the mark is somewhat higher than zero: 3/10

II) Puzzle Details
a) The puzzle is of rectangular contures, and actually represents 1 fourth (top right corner) of the total drawing. Drawing is nicely coloured, and the characters: giant lizzard, large goose, and two gargoyly (purple and grey) characters do seem fun. Hence, the use of colours and funness of the drawing make it 8/10.

b) However, as much this puzzle does not make sense - 3 gigantic monsters on top of a roof of the structure from which a goose is leaning out, it seems that the whole puzzle is nonsensical, i.e. full of sporadic things that just seem to be space fillers. If this is some insane world where crazy characters of human-house sizes are playing on the roofs of those very same houses - then, who are the houses for? And who is flying a green airplane? -> Its size corresponds to human use, and yet there are no humans here; How could they be?!? So, very much an incoherent world - probably the drawn participants do not know how to live it in it themselves. Mark: 4/10

III) Series includes 3 more drawings, so that in total one "grand" picture is yielded - 20x13.5cm (Author's Note: We do metric system here!). That means 60 pieces, which could have nicely fitted in 2 kinder eggs are spread out in 4 eggs to provide upon (potential) completion a crazy drawing that may be laughed at - and thus enjoyed in a way, and then left to collect dust. Not a great series; mark: 5/10.

IV) Toyfulness - not a lot of playing time with not a lot of pieces. And, besides - puzzles are to be engaging, not easy. Mark: 3/10

Final mark: 23/50 = 4.6/10

Addendums, that is corrections, are no new thing in this reality. Even scientific writings are not immune to their appearance.

As a matter of fact, the experimenter behind these words does indeed appreciate (as should all of you dear readers) the existence of addendums, as they allow scientific findings to be closer and closer to the absolute values.

With this intro about addendums we jump to the one relating to the statistical approximation mentioned in experimental report No.6 - section II, subsection iv.

There, it was maintained that on the order of 1000 purchases will be necessary for completion of the series (12 character is all). But, after recent discovery of another cyber figurine, the forementioned number must be adjusted to 624.

This however does not change the overall result for Experiment No.6, as the lowering of the average has its positive and negative consequences just like the introduction of any other new variable to the process.

Yours,
always impartial experimenter Danilo

Location - From the perspective of an Ocean and a Lake: East of Atlantic, North of Ontario

Upon opening of this KSE capsule, it has been determined that geographical variance equates to zero when immunity to existence of solid (no assembly required) figurines is considered. But, only once all the factors are analyze will it be known how does this surprise rate amongst its compatriots.

I) Design Issues
i) Material - very light plastic; hence this toy lacks sturdiness although it is envisioned to be a immobile piece. Also, poor quality of plastic gives this toy a cheap look - something a figurine should posses. Mark: 2/10
ii) Colouring Scheme - an immense array of colours graces this toy. Individually considered they would not inflict negative comments; however, having this palette on a very small surface area - one would think the colouring scheme escaped from fashion jail. Mark: 0/10
iii) Details - Considering that other design elements got little if any care, it was only rational to have some creative energy go into this department. Being 100% better done than (i) and (ii) this section gets: 10/10

II) Series

i) Characters - Plentiful! and then some. Namely, there are 12 pieces and as much they are all different, they do not offer amazing variation that is to be expected in an encounter with beings from another world, story, etc. (Just remember Masters of the Universe) Mark: 3/10
ii) Story - A blurb explaining the background is present. But it ends with 3 dots and one must depend on imagination to fit pre-set characters in some sensible playful story. This venture would be manageable if it was not for the immense amount of unknown characters. Mark: 3/10

iii) Personality - Each character seems to be described up to the point. Good or bad - a Gaussian middle for sure: 5/10
iv) Collecting - Statistical approximation warrants the conclusion that around 1000 purchases will be necessary for the completion of this series. Certainly a good business ploy, but a frustrating situation for the player/collector. Another middle: 5/10

III) Toyfulness
This toy is immobile, or in more accurate words the legs are connected to the base. Hence, one may use it only as an ornament and that is not sufficient to a kid. Mark: 0/10

IV) Usefulness One of forced nature (please see above). Hindered by quality and overall look. Mark: 2/10

Overall Mark: 2.5/10

Location: Toronto, Ontario

Every Kinder Surprise Egg (KSE) includes the same amount of chocolate, packaging material and paper inserts - instructions. But! not all contain the same toy. Not all of them contain whatsoever.

This KSE offered something that certainly is useful in a minimalistic fashion, but is un-fun in a maximistic fashion. But, let us not jump to conclusions, and allow me not to be unseemingly bias.

Point by point this KSE is analyzed, and the final mark tallied only after usefulness, design, toyfulness are considered.

I) Design
a) The colours. Certainly, they are nice - silverish gray for the bottom part of the dolphin, and azure blue for the top part. Of course the tongue is red, and the eyes are black - just like the real dolphins are. (5/10)
b) Pieces. Only three exist. Very, very small amount. Yes, they connect almost perfectly (one connection is not a smooth line), but they do not offer much joy in the assembly process due to its simplicity. Additionally, the head piece has a hole on top (reminiscent of the real dolphins I guess, which simply looks unnatural due to its large surface area. (4/10)
c) Cuteness. Sure, it is there - but is that enough!?; I mean - all dolphins are cute. 10/10 (by default)
d) Quality Plastic out of which this dolphin is made seems very cheap. It is not offering a vision of grandeur, although it should because after all this product is envisioned as a desk piece. Mark: 6/10
e) Series.
There are other 2 that pose as pencil holders - a crab and a awan (why exclude other animals, or is that only water involved creatures have the ability to hold pencils). There are several levels of dicontent with the series. Two are theoretical: What happened with 4-piece series which used to be somewhat a standard in the good old times? Additionally, looking over the No's - it is noticed that Swan is#1, Crab is #2 and this Dolphin #29. Certainly alarming, as this can mean only one of two things: KSE creators are running out of ideas so that after a wile they decided to add one more toy to this series, or people were thrilled with the pencil-holder idea that one more piece had to be brought to light to satisfy the demand. Also - but not theoretically: Who wants to have 3 pencil holders. Isn't one enough, and with 3 of them, nicely placed on the desk a lot of space is occupied. (3/10)
Mark for this section: 28/50 = 5.6/10

II) Usefulness It certainly is there. This dolphin is actually a pencil (and potentially a pen) stand. According to the drawing/instructions, one is to place it on the desk and to use dolphin's mouth and its tail fin as grooves for the pencil. Definitely a practical and compact offering. Mark for this section: 9/10

III) Toyfulness Not much of it. This toy is not a toy, but a schoolastic element(pencil holder), and as such does not posses any fun for kids ages 3 and above. Contrary to the official set-up I did try to use this dolphin as a toy: I put it in the water only to have it sink due to the hole on head. This is not quite the parallel to the reality (dolphins do not sink), as it can be confirmed in The Guide to Life, the Universe and Everything
Mark for this section: 1/10

FINAL MARK 5.6/10 + 9/10 + 1/10 = 15.6/30 = 5.2
Note: this high score may be misleading as the usefulness of the non-fun kind helped the overall average.

Location: If looking toward Arctic -> left of Atlantic

The opening of second half-yellow half-orange capsule is not brining greater joy to this experimenter than the one that was the result of Zeroth Experiment.
But alas! This is scientific work - success and lovely results cannot be expected always.

So, to the contents we go. And notice once again that the pieces are very simple - yes, there 6 altogether (improvement over previous analyzed case), but quantity does not mean quality. These pieces are very simple and big - and even if there were no instructions how to assemble them one would be able to realize the correct set-up in no time; this statement does include kids less than 8 years of age.

Stickering. Yes, this time around there was some to be done, just like in the good old days. The eyes of the rabbit were the specialty, and with amazing rush I jumped toward thee. Are they crooked or not, I do not know.

Toy in its finality. As the title suggest, this is nothing more than a gnome on a rabbit. Whoop-ti-du. But, I might be too harsh - I remember some cartoons that had such characters, and they were sitting on the little animals for their little rides. But I also remember safety issues being taken care of - some sort of a belt would be appropriate, and not teaching kids that it is ok to sit on a jumping thing and just ride off with no belt!!! Also - and this is most important - the gnome is orange; why!? And are there orange gnomes out there. Totally orange. I simply doubt that. Hence, I must conclude that this was just pure manufacturing - no care of the details. And that is quite shameful.

Toy in action. Well, according to very well constructed diagram, the idea behind this toy is that one is supposed to hit a button (i.e. the tail of the rabbit) and that the rabbit + unmoving (but waving) gnome are supposed to jump forward. This however does not happen; no matter how many times it is tried. Yes, some circus acrobatic do occur, but no forward motion has been established in more than 10 tries.

Series. There are other 2 gnomes riding their own animals/insects. So I guess that is why this orange one is waving - to his blue and pink buddies. Strangely unappealing.

The final verdict. Due to the fact that gnome-animal combinations are available in cartoons, etc. does not make this an allowable toy, but it does give it reality credit - it is not an altogether nonsensical idea. But, all other factors (cumbersome pieces, colour scheme used for the gnome, safety hazards, etc.) force it to be considered as not so fun. And that is the basic need of the Kinder Surprises. As such, this toy gets 3.5 out of 10.

Outrageously Stupid Toy

Many years have passed since my potentially subjective embeddedness in love and joy toward any opened kinder egg has been truly fruitful. However, it seemed that my disconnect with surprise was purely due to me stepping into adulthood; But, I might have been wrong because how could I have thought that a 3D tree and similar stupidities can be fun to anyone.

I seek the truth - why are things so bad in the land of Kinder Supresos.

The first analytical foray touches upon this utterly bizarre toy. But of its character a bit later on. Now I must properly assess the KSE.

I) The quality of chocolate surrounding the capsule with the toy is intact. I cannot vouch for taste of chocolate after being in the fridge (I used to have cartons of KSE as a kid in the fridge, and preferred the cold chocolate over room temperature), but that test will be made in due time. Hence, out of 10 marks chocolate is getting the full set.

II) Packaging. The foil around the chocolate is of the same colours as it ever was, but with more languages. That is a nice touch - urging kids to learn foreign languages. One difference I can note is the appearance of Internet Surprise MAGICODE image, that did not exist (logically) in the days before internet. Additional newness is the mini barcode that allows for a quick scan at the cashier station, rather than manual typing of the price - minimizing the work -> good call.

III) Plastic capsule. I am wary of the new design. Namely, all the capsules are half yellow and half orange. Originally any appearance of orange (and usually of the whole capsule) meant that there is some special toy inside it. Now, all of them are the same, and the lack of this extra level of intrigue is simply saddening.

IV) The toy itself. From the technical aspects of assembly pieces to the overall sense zeros must be given all around. Namely, the toy consists of only 6 pieces out of which 3 are these yellow helicopter looking blades. The connections between pieces are made quite simply - click-ons are made to ensure proper set-up; Rather too banal this researcher would add.
And that brings us to understanding what this toy is. Well, it is quite simply an elephant with a rats nose that is capable of flying. The question is - how did this horrible (or is it!?) mutation come about. That research is yet to come.

V) Final judgment. This toy is not a fun toy. It is funny however. Who could think of such a series; there are 3 other "animals" of similar mutation that exist. Who will want to collect them all - not me! And not just that, I mean - what message is to be gained from the toy - how are we to play with it, rolling it down the table, flying it in the air. Are we to scrounge-up every granule of imagination that has ever existed on this planet and to pretend that this is on a faraway world, and if so - who made this monstrous animalchine. What Dr. Frankestein was at work? Or maybe this is not such an elaborate happening - maybe this ratlike elephant jammed its front trunks into the blades and got stuck there, just like did his tail into the 3rd wheel/blade thingie.
And with one parting look
- a repeat of the judgment, but a categoric one: this toy is an absolute idiotic piece of ridiculous stupidity and deserves not a zero as a grade, but non-existence (unfortunately as an experimenter I do not have powers that would give such outcome, just the mindset that allows objectivity and nothing but).

Hello all,
with only 50% administrative power, I can only hope that the other 50% of it will side with the following ideas. I said: "I hope", but I also believe in the success in this important side-venture as, after all, both of us administrators are experimenters in heart and as such prefer logic over opinions; objectivity vs. subjectivity.
(Please disregard the blatant nonsense embedded in the construction stating that experimenting and subsequently logic come out of an organ that has nothing to do with creation of logic, but rather of those chaotically unstable, and often dreaded [in the science world] feelings)

As such, with no intention of removing my dear colleague in any way - proof pending - I would like to offer way(s) out of this problematic issue of font-size correctfulness:
1. Make a sample of available font sizes and ask you dear readers to chose the most preferable one - that way choice wil be independent of Giovanna's or my own wishes (fairness in its truest form)
2. Have my own writings presented in the font-size of my choice and Giovanna's in hers (real compromise)
Or in the true spirit of endearing quantum mechanical methods
3. Toss 100 (or a random # equivalent to the number of page visitors on August 5th) coins where 1 side represents 1 font size and other (logically) another, so that one side that has more than 50% showings will be chosen as the official font of this experiment.

Finally, it is unfortunate that bureaucracy is a persistent issue in the scientific dealings, something that us scientists regret, but have to put up with until it is resolved in the favour of reality and correctness. That is why I hope that you are noticing how we are fighting hard to resolve the situation as quickly as possible so that we can focus on the heart (again this accidental nonsense) of the real issue presented on this page.

Yours truly,

experimentista Danilo